Trusting God with our Doubts
– with Stephanie Cochrane
Do you ever question how your doubts affect your faith? Do you feel like you have to find all the answers to questions about faith? Join Stephanie Cochrane and I while we discuss how to handle doubts and questions about God . Steph’s reassuring voice tells us that when we address our doubts with God, the process can grow intimacy with Him as we let Him into this space in our hearts and minds.
See below for a full transcript of the show.
Journaling Questions:
· How does the following quote from Stephanie affect you? “If God is not who he says he is, it makes no difference if you doubt him. If God is who he says he is, then our doubts are safe with him.”- Stephanie Cochrane
· What circumstances in your life have led you to question or doubt God?
· Have you or would you be willing to ask God to keep you close and tell him your pain?
· Are you honest with God about your questions and doubts?
· Do you feel that you need to find all the answers to support your faith?
If you are interested in more journaling questions sign up here to receive “What’s my next step?” a free, 5 day journaling and Bible study tool to help explore your next step to trusting God more fully.
I want to hear from you!
You can find me and join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram @stepstotrusting.
Hashtag your story of God’s faithfulness and stepping out in faith. #stepstotrusting
You can connect with Stephanie in the following ways: website https://www.stephaniehcochrane.com/
instagram https://www.instagram.com/stephaniehcochrane/
Sign up for her monthy newsletter, The Paradox Paper. It’s a monthly newsletter designed to help us live in paradox without panic. https://stephaniehcochrane.substack.com/
Verses mentioned in the episode:
· James 4:2-3
· Psalm 121
· Psalm 119:176
· John 20:27
· James 1:17
Special thanks to Jim Dougherty for creating the music for the show! Check out his Album City of God on Spotify or Apple Music.
Transcript:
[00:00:00] Erin: Welcome to steps to trusting. I’m Erin, your host at steps to trusting. It’s my goal to meet you where you are in your faith journey and encourage you to continue to take steps to trusting the Lord more fully.
[00:00:11] Thanks for joining us today on our conversation today, I’m joined by Stephanie Cochran and I’m going to read you guys a quote, which we’re going to start off.
[00:00:20] She said, if God is not who he says he is, it makes no difference. If you doubt him, if God is who he says he is, then our doubts are safe with him. I love this quote and I can’t wait to talk more about it. So if you have ever found yourself in a place of questions and doubts, then this podcast conversation is for you. Before we jump in, I want to tell you a little bit more about Stephanie Steph is a writer and a podcast host who uses her passion of curiosity To invite others to share their doubts and questions. It is her desire to help people live in the paradox of the questions that we have without panic. I’m so happy to welcome to the show. Steph Cochran, Steph, thanks so much for joining us.
[00:01:08] Steph: Oh, thank you for having me. It’s a thrill to be here.
[00:01:11] Erin: Great. I’m so glad you could be. I wanted to start off. I know. I’ve heard you say that if God is not who he says he is, it makes no difference. If you doubt him, if God is who he says he is, then our doubts are safe with him.
[00:01:25] Steph: Yeah.
[00:01:26] Erin: And that just struck me.
[00:01:28] But I know that those type of statements are not statements that you just start out knowing those are things that you grow to learn and understand. And I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit about how you learned that truth, how that came to be part of your story.
[00:01:45] Steph: well, I would say for me, it’s half starting out and half growing into. I have just a naturally curious personality God gave me to parents who, who encouraged and cultivated that. So I didn’t grow up like, many kids in conservative Christianity do. Sometimes I didn’t grow up with a fear of, asking questions about my faith or feeling. like you shouldn’t have doubts or shame around any of that. So I didn’t grow up with that. Which is a huge blessing. But because that was sort of just the water I was swimming in and I didn’t realize how unusual it was. I was pretty self-righteous for a long time, cause I would see other Christians either never ask any questions or just dealing with things as we all do.
[00:02:42] And I would feel very like, what is the CR what’s your problem? just doesn’t work at this out. Well, God, what’s the, it’s not that hard.
[00:02:50] Erin: I feel I was on the side of, I was afraid to ask questions, but still falling in that place of self-righteousness and thinking I have to keep up, first of all, I have to be this person of self, my, depending on myself to be righteous. And I have to keep up that people think this of me, because this is my identity, I’m a Christian.
[00:03:12] And so how will people feel if I ask questions? Will they question who I am?
[00:03:18] Steph: Yeah.
[00:03:18] I know. I think that that is what a lot of people feel and struggle with. So my, my sort of growing into that, I did think I asked, I’ve always asked a lot of questions. But I used to believe that, that finding the answer was the goal that if I could just ask enough questions, then I would eventually know all the answers and then I wouldn’t have any. to, to doubt or struggle or ask questions anymore.
[00:03:50] So my growing into things, my maturing in, in those beliefs I think came in increments to a degree. This wasn’t the first hard thing that ever happened to me, but I’ve really led a pretty privileged life. But a year after I got married, I think I was I was 22, 21.
[00:04:12] I don’t know I was in my
[00:04:15] Erin: Yeah.
[00:04:15] Steph: And my older brother who obviously was raised in the same family as me and Went to the same Bible colleges, me and had been in ministry. He had for about 10 years at this point, he had renounced his faith and had not been pursuing a relationship with Jesus anymore.
[00:04:34] And we had been praying for him and, and treating him, the same way and loving him well, as, as best that we could. And really believing that the Lord was going to draw him back and that he was going to return to his faith and he took his own life. And it was, it was I really one of my first conscious thoughts after I got the news was well, if, if I’m gonna walk away from Jesus, it’ll be because of this.
[00:05:06] Erin: I’m so sorry that you have.
[00:05:09] Steph: Oh, Thank you. I appreciate that. But that was my first time really understanding why someone would leave the faith. my parents aren’t in ministry. So I grew up hearing of people often that had changed their minds about Jesus and or a church or whatever that they had somehow departed from what they used to believe.
[00:05:36] And I, I always would feel oh gosh, I should just should have tried harder. they should have
[00:05:42] Erin: Mm.
[00:05:43] Steph: decided, even though I’m sad, or even though I was mistreated, I’m still, I’m going to stick with this. And man, when my brother died, I was I don’t have. I don’t have anything to stick. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t have any more grip to hold on to this.
[00:06:00] I don’t know. I don’t. And I didn’t really, I didn’t really pray or read scripture or anything for a long time, but when I did have something I had this recurring thought. I, I hesitate to even say It was a prayer because it wasn’t an intentional, oh, I’m gonna talk to the Lord and connect with him.
[00:06:23] But I just would repeat, keep me close, keep me close. And knowing I don’t have the capacity to do anything to keep myself close, but if God wants me to be close to him, then I guess he can, if he wants. And he did.
[00:06:41] Erin: is beautiful.
[00:06:43] Steph: now I have the same personality and the same, childhood history of being encouraged in curiosity and questions and exploring doubt when it comes along with a lot more compassion and graciousness than I, had as a child and a young adult.
[00:07:06] Erin: Yeah. So in that time period in that time period ward, and you were praying that keep me close, keep me close, where you just flooded with all the questions and doubts that. You felt you tried to answer as a kid or,
[00:07:19] Steph: I actually think it was kind of the reverse. So my. My normal state is what, why don’t we believe that? Or w what does that really mean? Or whoa, this, this verse right. here, this doesn’t sound you, God, I’m, I’m misunderstanding something. That’s sort of my default that has always, I’ve always been that way with the Lord.
[00:07:44] And so when this happened, it was kind of Hmm, I don’t have anything to say. none of the questions I could ask, none of the answers to any of those questions would make it. Okay.
[00:07:56] Erin: Right.
[00:07:56] Steph: And So it was just a long period of time where I was silent and I kind of felt like the Lord was silent too. So it was a little bit of a reversal for me of what’s normal or what was my normal.
[00:08:14] Erin: So how, what changed from that place?
[00:08:19] Steph: Well to developments my brother died when we were living in Colorado and Trevor was interning at a church and we thought it might turn into a full-time position, but it didn’t which was okay. But we could not, it was a very expensive area, so we could not afford to live there.
[00:08:36] If, if it wasn’t going to be a full-time position. so he got a job across the country and Kansas city and We were so excited and I really felt okay, this is going to be an escape and a fresh start and we’re going to be okay, and this is going to be good. And we got there and the ministry itself was great and the people were great.
[00:09:00] And the leadership that we were under was really unhealthy and really difficult. And so that was a constant, I need help with this. none of the maybe none of the questions or things I might wrestle with about my brother’s death. Maybe none of that would make any difference. He’s still gone and it’s still the worst.
[00:09:24] But This situation can change and can be different, and I need it to be different. So that was a sort of a turning point. And also I was pregnant when we moved there with our first child. And as as I got further, along in my pregnancy, I just started feeling so spiritually broken and what am I going to do with this child?
[00:09:46] And how am I going to, am I going to tell him God loves him when I just feel I don’t know if God loves us, And it was sort of a moment. I don’t, I say a moment, I don’t remember a specific moment, but it things shifted we both had been silent for so long and it was like, I turned one day and was oh, well I guess Jesus is still here.
[00:10:14] Maybe he’s not saying anything, but I haven’t been saying anything either. And he hasn’t left. So where do we go now? How do we, how does this get rebuilt?
[00:10:27] Erin: I know our listeners can’t see you, but just watching you as you paused and thought of that moment, your whole face changed.
[00:10:35] Like, yeah, it’s just, I’m sorry, I do this a lot, but yeah, your, your whole face changed your demeanor and just realizing he was there all along.
[00:10:44] Steph: Yeah. yeah, absolutely.
[00:10:47] Erin: yeah. And just, I mean, I’m sitting here just thinking about how lonely the silence is.
[00:10:54] But then just realizing how peaceful and joyful realizing that you’re in his presence is.
[00:11:01] Steph: And truly, I think when God is silent, we can feel like, that can feel unfair and enraging, but really what is there to say, in the beginning stages of intense grief and pain, there is nothing to say.
[00:11:21] Erin: Yeah.
[00:11:22] Steph: Even not that I don’t mean to say that God and his. And, and his being divine and knowing all things and being the healer, that he would not have the capacity to speak a word and make everything better.
[00:11:36] But my human heart cannot take anything, can not receive anything in that moment, other than silent presence.
[00:11:48] Erin: right.
[00:11:49] Steph: And it was a realization of, wow, I’ve been so angry and so lost and so devastated. And I haven’t held any of that back because I haven’t been able to, and I haven’t been left. I haven’t been rejected. And so I think before in my life, a lot of my questions had been motivated. By anxiety. And again, I need to find all these answers, it’s the answers that I need. And I would even get overwhelmed sometimes with there’s so much, I don’t know. And I’m going to run out of time.
[00:12:26] I’m going to die before I can learn everything. and that fear, that anx lessened so much when I realized oh, I didn’t do anything to hang on to Jesus. And I did a lot of things and thought a lot of things that would give him reason to not hang on to me, but he did. And so that means it’s safe to acknowledge my doubts and ask my questions. And it also must mean that it’s safe to never find the answers for some things, because Jesus stays close regardless, and, it’s not a matter of one day actually finding the last answer to the last question. I’m dead human beings don’t have that capability.
[00:13:23] Erin: There’s a couple things I want to talk about with what you just said. So one of them is finding all the answers and just thinking about I’ve been there even recently, somebody said something that just made me take a deep breath and be reminded. I don’t have to have all the answers even now.
[00:13:40] I know that in my head, but I find that I would, might learn something new and then go, whoa, if I didn’t know this then was I really a good Christian? is what’s playing in my head and I have to walk myself out of that. That it’s not about the knowledge I have. but yeah, just that, that reality of that, we don’t have to know it all or have all the answers, but we also have the opportunity to know God and to look at who he is and in relationship.
[00:14:10] What you were saying, just pointed to the fact of knowing who God is, knowing his presence. And so when you were in that place again, was there some bit of his character and learning that he was safe that really stuck out to you or helped you cling to him? Actually, that’s probably not a good question.
[00:14:32] Cause you said I didn’t clink to him.
[00:14:33] He claimed to
[00:14:34] Steph: I think I was just reminded of how much He carries it all. It’s not, I do believe this is not theology corner with stuff, but I, I do believe that I made a choice to enter into relationship with Jesus. But it was a reminder to me.
[00:15:00] that. God took all the initiative to make a way for me to have that relationship with him. And he takes all the initiative cultivating that relationship and, and growing that relationship. And I remember being about seven months pregnant with my first child and just, I remember crying and saying out loud, I was alone in the house that day.
[00:15:28] And I said out loud, I just feel so far away. I N a not where I want to be, but I don’t know how to get back to where I’m supposed to be. And I don’t even know where that is and that alone, just the acknowledgement, the honest acknowledgement. I, I’m not where I want to. I don’t know how to get back. The the Lord is the one that rebuilds and he it’s Jesus who goes out and finds the lost sheep and brings them home. It’s not he goes out on the porch and just yells and it’s that sheep has to
[00:16:03] find their own way.
[00:16:05] That’s not how it works. And that was a reminder to me then. And I think I I’ve shifted what you said reminded me.
[00:16:14] I shifted from my questions being motivated by an anxiety. And I need to find out the answers to, oh, being honest about my questions. I, it, it doesn’t, I’m not always going to find the answer, but I am always going to. Increase my intimacy and my trust in God. I think that people that you’re closest with, you only wonder about things out loud with the people that you feel really safe with. you don’t, you don’t just throw out man, do we really know that we landed on the moon? Do you ever think about that? Or, you don’t just say things that at a dinner party, that’s your, your closest, I’m not sure about this. What do you think? I don’t know. I don’t know about this thing I’m doing with my kid.
[00:17:01] what are you doing?
[00:17:02] Erin: There. Right. And allowing to be seen. And I know, I mean, so the Bible says that God already knows and he sees us, but yet that intimacy comes when you lay it open and say here, this is what’s going on in my heart. He knows. But it’s with the angry child, actually how to an an example of this real recently, I’m looking at a child.
[00:17:27] I know he’s angry. I know I can see it, but I’m just waiting. are they going to say, this is why I’m upset? here’s how you can help. And so as a parent, you can enter into that. Instead of being on the outside saying I know, but it’s, there’s a separateness.
[00:17:46] Yeah.
[00:17:46] Steph: from the child perspective, it’s the difference between. Things aren’t going great at school and I’m making some bad decisions. And I know my mom knows I’m making bad
[00:17:57] But Ooh, I’m not going to talk to her about it because she’s going to judge me or she’s going to be mad.
[00:18:02] It’s the difference between that and coming home and being I’m so overwhelmed at school. And I said this to this person, or I did that for this person. And it was the wrong thing and I feel stupid. And that is a totally different that’s relationship building right.
[00:18:19] there instead of whoa, that’s holding back and gonna save face or whatever.
[00:18:25] Erin: Well, and to think about that with God. Right. I know that’s where we started, but to bring that back around of yes, he knows. And yet he still, he doesn’t force his way in to, to our hearts. he, I always imagine I don’t even know where I got this picture, but just thinking of he holds his arms open as wide as the cross.
[00:18:45] Right. Waiting for us. Yes. And just imagine when we come and we can enter into that presence and enter into his arms. Right. And just thinking about that, or we could stand with our back turn, say I’m ashamed. I’m not going to tell you. Right. Or or I’m hurt and I’m broken and I’m going to try and fix it myself.
[00:19:05] as we’re thinking about all of this, how does this translate into your regular everyday life? Now we’ve been talking a lot on the, on the show about. Oh, a couple of different things that come to mind. One of them is God’s presence. One of them is, am I enough?
[00:19:20] Kind of a question we’ve
[00:19:21] been asking and another is just kind of, how do we live in this every day, mundane life, know, with the repetitive things of life, I’m just thinking, how do we take this information about who God is and how he loves us and how he’s waiting for us? And how does that make you different now?
[00:19:42] Steph: I think when I struggled with some, when I didn’t understand something or had a question or had a doubt, I think I used to try to go find the answers and do some research first. And then I would come to God and be I was wondering about this for five seconds, but I have figured it out. And this is how it is.
[00:20:01] And you don’t have to worry because I was only unsure for a minute. And now I just. Try to tell God about a worry or a concern or question or a doubt as soon as I feel it. And I don’t do that perfectly, but that’s the muscle memory that I’m trying to build of. let’s just, just, just be honest with God, just tell him this happened.
[00:20:28] And it made me feel you didn’t care about me at all. just say everyone else is disciplining their kids this way. And it feels weird and I don’t know why it feels weird and I don’t know what to do with my kid or, whatever everyone else is married or dating someone great.
[00:20:45] And I’m not, and that feels unfair. And I also don’t want to try anymore and I don’t know how or my faith tradition. of origin believes this and this about politics or racism fill in the blank difficult issue. And and I don’t know if I believe that and I’m afraid to explore because I’m afraid of what it’ll mean for all my important relationships.
[00:21:11] Just say things to God, the way that you would say them to your closest friend, except it’s even more safe than that. Because yeah, there’s always a chance. I don’t mean to make people anxious or that humans always have the capacity to reject each other. And God is just not going to reject us. And and I think when I, when I’m just honest with them, It’s not that that makes everything feel better, but it opens the way wide open to move forward that I don’t have to be stuck in this, in this place of doubt and anxiety and uncertainty forever.
[00:21:55] I talk a lot about the importance of acknowledging our doubts and honoring our doubts. But it’s because I believe that doubt is a pathway. I don’t think that doubt is a good destination, but it’s a great pathway. When we say I’m having problems. It feels like you don’t care about this. That opens the way to greater trust and greater intimacy with God.
[00:22:18] Erin: Yeah, I would say you said something earlier that I’m hearing here too, is it’s acknowledging a need. You have, the question is a need with venue and it’s admitting weakness. Whereas we could go and find the answer, you said, that’s, that’s an option, but then we’re relying on ourselves and it does come back to those questions of, am I enough?
[00:22:39] Do I know enough? Can I find it quick enough? Right. Instead of turning to who God is and saying, God, you see, you can handle my doubt and, and the answer. And then almost, I wonder if when you find the answer, it feels Hey, God gave me this answer instead of and, and there’s not always answers, there’s not always, but a friend said to me this morning just being reminded of the verse.
[00:23:07] You have not because you ask not right. And just, she was sharing something that I asked for this, yesterday, why did this fall on my lap? why didn’t I w or, and it’s clear that it’s, that it’s God. And also really why didn’t I ask earlier, because we so often try to depend on ourselves and,
[00:23:26] Steph: Yeah. And I think sometimes we can read verses that and we can think, oh my gosh, how stingy is God, he’s not going to give me anything unless I ask for
[00:23:35] And it’s really the reverse God gives us so much that we never think to ask for exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever ask or think. And it’s not that he needs me to ask so that he can give to me, I need to ask so that I can recognize. open and,
[00:23:56] generous and giving and fatherly he already is.
[00:24:01] Erin: That’s a huge realization,
[00:24:03] Steph: yeah,
[00:24:04] Erin: because I think you’re right. And I mean, even again, just thinking about kids, we were how come they don’t realize all the blessings that they have, everything that we give them right. Until, until there’s a punishment or something and you take it away and they’re that’s not fair.
[00:24:19] And I think we do that to God. So often where we, we have all these things and we think that’s just that we’re entitled or we earned it or whatever. Instead of realizing that everything we have is from him.
[00:24:32] Oh, this is so good. You’re, you’re definitely encouraging me Steph. I really, I really appreciate I went through a period of time where I was, I was a strong Christian in college, all the questions I didn’t ask as a kid all came pouring out and I was in this place with huge doubts to the point where I was if God is good, why do I need Jesus?
[00:24:55] Right. And I had to go and seek those answers. And all along feeling I had to find the answer and God gave me the answer of, that he’s also Just God. But I, I think, even in that he was faithful to give me the answer, but I still felt the pressure of, oh, I have to find it.
[00:25:11] And all of that. And I don’t know. I just really relate even just, your prayer. I, I used to look at there’s a passage in Psalms. I think it’s someone 21. It says the Lord is my keeper and that’s just yeah. I’m he kept me.
[00:25:27] Steph: Yeah.
[00:25:28] Erin: It’s just big,
[00:25:29] Steph: absolutely. I love borrowing from the Psalms when I don’t know what to pray for myself.
[00:25:35] Erin: So Stephanie, you know, this show is called steps to trusting. How would you describe some steps towards trusting the Lord that you had.
[00:25:44] Steph: I am a person who really struggles to acknowledge emotions in general, but really particularly hard emotions, the difficult ones, anger and sadness and grief. I have a lot of feeling I have to justify those feelings, I’m really bad about holding them in and pretending they don’t exist. And then, and then I blow up about something stupid anyway. So, and the reason I think is that I feel If I allow myself to express this it’s going to cause conflict in my relationships which I hate.
[00:26:27] So, and I have that same feeling with God. And so I, I’m trying to, I’m learning to acknowledge those feelings sooner and be honest about them sooner. And it is a big, I know that some people don’t have any problems with feeling sad or not that they don’t feel sad, but they don’t feel anything weird about the fact that they feel sad or angry or whatever.
[00:26:53] And so it wouldn’t be a point of trust for them at all, but it is for me because it feels I shouldn’t feel this way. So I that’s something that I am. Learning to do. It also really helps me. I, this isn’t, this doesn’t work for everyone, but I don’t think, well inside of my head, I don’t process well inside my head.
[00:27:16] And so it really helps me to journal and to write down the things that I’m talking to God about and the things that are weighing on me. And it is a big release when I do that and in a big choice to trust God with all of those things, but it’s also really lovely to look back and see, things that I forgot.
[00:27:41] I prayed for things that I forgot I was carrying. Now I can see that, how the Lord responded and how he cared for me. So I think those, those are a couple of things.
[00:27:53] Erin: Yeah, they’re good. let’s circle back to, that God is safe, right?
[00:28:00] So, Okay. what are some verses that help remind you that God is a safe place and that he can handle our doubts?
[00:28:07] Steph: Oh, I love Psalm 1 19: 1 76 says I have gone astray, a lost sheep come and find me.
[00:28:17] I love that one. I just, I love seeing throughout scripture how God responds to people who are honest about their, well, really the whole book of Psalms. I mean, gosh, there are some really God crushed my enemies into dust. God, you have thrown me to the ground and trampled on my head and you’ve abandoned me and you don’t care. And I’ll never turn back to you. I mean so many examples of just humans being so, so honest and broken before the Lord and no smitten going on.
[00:29:03] Sometimes Christians. they look down on Thomas. But Jesus’ response to Thomas. Thomas is I’m not going to believe that Jesus rose from the dead until I can see him and I can touch him And Jesus appears and he’s like, Thomas, come over here and put your hands in my wounds and S and see me in touch me and smell me.
[00:29:24] And it’s not how dare you? it. It’s oh, you have this. You need some reassurance by all means, have some reassurance. I think the shame that we often feel about having doubts or asking questions absolutely comes from either our own disposition. Our own sort of bent to believe that God is not really for us and that he’s far away and that he can’t understand, or from things that our communities have told us.
[00:30:00] And I don’t think that it comes from scripture. there are times when you’ll see someone who will ask a question and God responds in judgment or rebuke, but it’s clear when that happens, that they weren’t, you know, I’m so lost. I’m so confused. I need help. That, that was, it was a oh Yeah.
[00:30:22] who do you think you are? it was that kind of a thing.
[00:30:24] Yes. So I draw a lot of comfort from a lot of scripture that this is a good thing and that it’s allowed. And Jesus says you mentioned we have not, because we do not ask that. I love the other verse in James.
[00:30:38] Every good gift comes down from the father of lights. I think that we have a tendency to put that in a box and say the good things from the Bible and from Christian music and from whatever, come down from the father of lights. No, that’s not what it says. It says every good gift. If there’s anything good in the world, if you’ve ever had a great meal or you’ve ever heard excellent music or all of those good things come from God, Jesus says, I am the way, the truth and the life.
[00:31:09] That means if there’s anything true, even if the person’s saying. Doesn’t believe Jesus, or does it know? It doesn’t recognize that what they’re saying comes from God, that’s from God. And knowing that gives freedom to, I don’t have to be fearful to go exploring and looking I don’t mean that we shouldn’t be careful about what we put into our minds. Of course we should humans are prone to self-deception and to being deceived by each other, but I don’t have to be afraid to seek out truth. I just wasn’t my pastor’s office recently ask talking about a doctrinal thing that I’ve, that I was I don’t know, everyone is saying this and I’m just not sure.
[00:31:51] And I and I was telling him sort of about my journey in exploring this issue and. When I finished, he said, I can’t get over. How many times do you use the word fear in that explanation? And then he said a genuine search for truth will only ever lead you back to Jesus. And you don’t ever have to be afraid to genuinely seek after truth because he is the truth.
[00:32:17] Every good gift comes down from the father of lights. So I don’t even know if that it was relevant to the question
[00:32:23] Erin: no, I love it. Yeah. But I, it, I love it because I mean, I relate to that fear are relate to, so a lot of my questions started in college when I learned just enough of something didn’t seek it out that I was fearful and, and I was afraid to look for more. So I totally relate to that. And, and just that reminder, actually, I talk about it a lot here on the podcast that every good thing is from him because I have found myself thinking, look at that good thing that I.
[00:32:55] and I have just to let go of the pride of that and go, whoa. every good thing that I could possibly accomplish is because God has given me the skill to be able to do that.
[00:33:05] And I think it’s just it’s a message that we all need spoken to our hearts. So, and speaking of that, I just love this, this message that you are really trying to speak into the hearts of women, to give them freedom, to have, questions and doubts and to kind of say, our God is big enough and it’s okay to talk about these things.
[00:33:29] So I wanted to give you a couple of minutes, if you wanted to tell us a little bit, I know you have your newsletter, the paradox paper that comes out and and your podcast. I was wondering if you would tell us a little bit about how people can connect with you.
[00:33:42] Steph: Absolutely. So my newsletter the paradox paper goes out the last Friday of every month and it always includes something happy and fun and something painful, something I’m wondering about or questioning and an original prayer at the end. And the goal is that it would help us to learn to live with life’s paradox, with less panic.
[00:34:06] And so that’s what I do there. And then I do the majority of my writing on Instagram right now. I’m at Stephanie H. Cochran on Instagram, and then I do have a podcast it’s called the small group show with my friend Keisha Sedgwick. We’re sort of on hiatus right now and trying to decide how that will move forward.
[00:34:30] But the, the goal of that show is to talk about things that you didn’t want to talk about in your church, small group. And so we talk about more cultural things and the, the Christian evangelical world and all of that good stuff. And then I also have a website, Stephanie H. Cochran dot com.
[00:34:50] Erin: Great, thanks for sharing all that with us. And I just, I love the, the whole idea of, I mean, it’s like having a friend that you’re like I just don’t get this. I want to talk about it. Right.
[00:35:01] I love that kind of space. And not only are you giving space for that, it’s almost inviting people into permission to having those conversations for themselves.
[00:35:10] Steph: yeah, yeah, that’s the hope
[00:35:12] Erin: Stephanie, I was wondering, would you close us in prayer.
[00:35:14] Steph: sure. I would love to God. Thank you for being good. And for being close and for, including us in the good work that you’re doing in the world, help us to be honest with you, help us to always tell you the truth about ourselves. As soon as we know what that is, I pray that you would continue to draw us close to you and continue to increase our trust and make us people who.
[00:35:42] Who come to you freely and without hesitation or inhibition, I pray that you would increase our, our freedom and our knowledge of the freedom that we already have in relationship with you, and that you would settle us down and help us to be at home with you in Jesus name. Amen.
[00:36:06] Erin: Amen. Thanks Stephanie. This.
[00:36:09] Steph: Yes. Thank you so much for having me.
[00:36:11] Erin: Thank you. I really enjoyed chatting with you. I love this conversation with Stephanie and I didn’t know all her story until today, but it, it shows again, this pattern that I’ve mentioned, that when you ask people about how faith is grown in them, it’s often in really, really hard places. For those of you who have been in those hard places. I just want to remind you that God is there with you and he can handle your doubts, your questions, your anger, your frustration.
[00:36:44] We’ve talked about this before this idea of wrestling it out with God and how important that is. So I wanted to remind you guys about that. And I wanted to say a prayer for you all, dear God, I pray that you would help us to be people who are real with you or God who, who can bring to you our hearts.
[00:37:06] Lord, help us not to hide our feelings or try to cover them or change them in our own ability. But Lord help us to, to bring them to you that we could be vulnerable and invite you to know us. Lord, we know you know us, but we want to be known by you in the ways that we open our hearts to you. Thank you that you love us.
[00:37:29] You care about us and you hear us. Lord, I pray for those who are in a place of deep hurt or pain right now. Lord, I pray that you would help them to cry out to you. Give them the strength, even if it’s a small prayer, I keep me close or I don’t understand, help me. Lord, God help us seek you.
[00:37:48] It’s in Jesus name that I pray. Amen I would love to connect with you. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook and also over@Erinmichelle.net. I hope you join us back here next time, where we will be talking about knowledge about God, an intimacy with him.
[00:38:06] Do you ever find yourself
[00:38:08] stuck in seeking knowledge and not making it to that place of intimacy? If you’re like me, join us back here next time.
[00:38:15] Until then I wanted to leave you with this reminder from Ephesians two 10 for we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them, friends I’m praying for you. As you keep on stepping.