Erin Michele:  Hi, this is Erin Michele Welcome to steps to trusting it is my goal here to meet you where you are in your faith journey, and to encourage you to continue to take steps, to trusting the Lord more fully. 

[00:00:18] Guys, I’m so glad you’re back. We are tuning in to the second part of a conversation with Bethany Kimsey. 

[00:00:26] Bethany knows how to pour into the hearts of mothers. And Bethany knows the burdens that a mother carries.

[00:00:34] The show is for all you moms that are carrying a heavy burden, a burden that we don’t have to carry alone. A burden that is actually not even ours to carry, but instead we should  learn how to point our kids towards God. That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

[00:00:50] We’re about to jump right in, but I just wanted to remind you some of the pieces that we left off with last week. Bethany talked about how early in motherhood, she sought to do a lot on her own. She talked about how challenging that was and how it was in surrendering to the Lord and his plan. That was where she began to see God’s purposes and God’s working. And so that’s where we’re jumping in.

[00:01:17]How has God changed you and grown you as you have walked this path of surrender?

[00:01:22] Bethany: The thing he has grown or changed the most in me, is the understanding That I don’t have to do.  I think the understanding of his grace and the understanding that what Christ accomplished on the cross, the salvation that is offered to you and to me is not that moment that we go, okay, I’m a sinner and I need Jesus. But that Jesus in his grace is applied to every moment of my life.

[00:01:56] So in the moments where I am short tempered or impatient or selfish, or apathetic all those moments that when I lay in bed at night and I run through my day and I think back, and I tag all those spaces where I didn’t fill the bill as being  the mom, I think I should be. Because I wrestle that every day. Understanding and growing in the knowledge that God goes, there is grace for that. And I am not surprised by that.  And instead Bethany, I’m calling you to sit in this moment of grace and understand you are forgiven. And then inside of that understanding. So when grace begins to deepen, then there is a love for him that grows, which spilled out to my kids. It spills out to how I engage with my children, the grace that I can offer them because of the grace that’s been given to me. And then that does change the way I mother.  I have watched myself grow , it is easier for me to see the spaces where I become impatient. So instead impatience perhaps, God has grown me into understanding and being more sensitive to where  that junk inside me wants to rise up and mistreat  my children or my husband.

[00:03:20]And instead understanding in that moment, there’s grace for this there’s forgiveness offered. And he promises to help change me. And it only deepens than my desire. My love for God then begins to spill out of that. And therefore then it does change my heart. Does that make sense? So I think it’s in that deepening of understanding what grace is.  We don’t want to shortchange grace and say grace is for that one moment where I asked Jesus to be my savior. It is that it is that. It’s so much more and understanding this so much more, the fact that that is for the everyday moment.

[00:03:59] Erin Michele: Yeah. When you were talking about, grace, about performance, all of that together. I was thinking there’s this moment with my kids. It was probably about a month ago where I just was  really honest with them. I was like, look guys all this time, I’ve been trying to be this perfect mom.

[00:04:15] Right. I’ve been trying to like, not yell at you and not hurt your feelings and trying to like do I, yes, I should do those things. I get it. Right. But what I need more is to teach you how to apologize. Well, to turn back well, yeah, right. Because there’s so much grace.

[00:04:33] If I think I’m parenting them so that they will become a perfect child or a perfect spouse or a perfect parent one day,  if that’s what they think that they should be striving for. If that’s what I am portraying to them, then I have failed. it is about teaching them how to turn to God’s grace, to accept his grace, to accept his forgiveness and,  to go to  people and apologize well. There is so much grace, and instead we’re trying to, I’m trying to  be better and do all the things and fix myself and teach my kids to fix themselves. Instead of saying God grow you. And he will forgive you. Because you’re never this side of heaven going to be the perfect anything.

[00:05:19] Bethany: right. I think the power that I did not do well when I had so much was my first little wins. So we, in my head, I have, they’re almost divided. There’s the top four and the bottom four, although there’s no spacing of age that delineate them, I have the top four in the bottom part. And, but I think somewhere in there probably is where God began to Mark me with his grace.

[00:05:45] And for me to begin to understand that he is very committed, very committed to changing and redeeming. So  we begin to change our language with our children and say, I am praying for you in this, because I know that this is a space that you don’t even like seeing. We send our children, to the bathroom to think you for a while. Mainly because it’s a quiet zone in our house. You got to get that kid away to get some quiet, to think about and about the bathrooms. That’s the only place. There’s not another Kinsey kid.

[00:06:23] So we send our kids to the bathroom to think and say, you’re sitting in the bathroom with them. And you say, even in the bathroom three times today over this same thing. And instead of saying, you just need to change. Is being able to speak that blessing, that truth of our children of, I am praying for you because I know the one who is at work and he can change your heart, and I’m praying for that for you. Then the beautiful thing is, as you begin to walk it with that child and journey with that challenge is then to be able to speak into that child. I see it. I see you have been wrestling with being honest for weeks, and I saw you make that choice just then.

[00:07:04] To choose honesty, even when you thought you might get in trouble and that is not of you, you cannot on your own redeem yourself. And beginning to be able to speak blessing over our child in that space of grace and say, this is the line where we’re not going to keep crossing this line. So you’re going to the bathroom. We’re going to talk about this and then you may

[00:07:26]you know, if you’re older, you may lose a device. You may lose whatever your discipline features are.

[00:07:31] That happened, but instead of saying, so you just need to change, you just need to stop doing that. Yeah. When I began to understand grace and understand the depths of grace and what God does in grace, to be able to change my language, to say there’s one who is at work for you, it’s not me. I can not make you be better. And I am not trying, but I’m going to continue to point you to the one who will radically change your life. And set you free from this and he is at work in you. And I’m praying for him to change you in this and be able to speak that blessing over our kids instead, that really was freeing.

[00:08:11] Erin Michele: Yeah, I love that. And actually, I’ve heard you say before, “who am I going to be for them? Am I going to be the one who solves their problems or Am I going to be one surrender to the one who is pointing to a better solver? And that just so impacted me.

[00:08:28] Right. I think you’re saying it now again in an, in a different way, but it’s so impactful to say you aren’t trying to be the one  to change them and you aren’t being the one telling them they have to change. You’re you’re pointing for them. Right. And you’re praying for them.

[00:08:45] And, I mean, I’m very challenged by that. I’m very challenged by that in a, in a wonderful, in a wonderful way. Yeah.

[00:08:52] Bethany: I think if as mothers, we can begin to understand that God invites us to walk with him as he shepherd our children’s lives. And if we can keep pivoting back to him, if he, and, and be the pointer to Christ, instead of trying to be the one. It relieves you of so much of so much stress. To say, it’s not me and it’s not my measurement. You don’t have to live up to what I say you need to do. There is one and look at him and let’s follow him together to see what he has to say. And it is a freeing position.

[00:09:41]Erin Michele:  I so love that that pointing to Christ,  it’s a choice if we’re going to trust God or not. And I think for me personally, it’s easy to forget.  It’s easy to feel emotionally upset because it feels personal when our kids lie to us over and over. It feels personal when we say, I know this is good for you and they blow us off.  It’s easy to think it’s about us.

[00:10:08]If motherhood was easy and you could always feel like you were successful in it, what blessing would you have missed?

[00:10:20] It’s such a hard one.

[00:10:23]Bethany: I think I would have missed the blessing of deep intimacy with Jesus. Because motherhood for me has been the one stage where I really couldn’t do it on my own.  I was. Very successful in school, in college, very successful in my career, I was on a great track. I was successful in relationships that was naturally successful.

[00:10:50]Even in my early marriage, before we had kids, everything was going the way Bethany, the force of Bethany could make it go. And I had Jesus too. I loved him. So I was a believer, and motherhood was the stage where God said you are going to come to an end of yourself and you’re going to desperately need me. I will be there. Not only will I be there, but I will deeply walk with you and intimacy here, and I will speak to spaces in your life. That you otherwise never would have needed to address. And it was in that to me is the gift of motherhood.

[00:11:38]I pray all the time for my kids. That they would know Jesus more deeply. And they would love him more passionately than I ever have. But to be able to testify to them that it is in the breaking that only for me motherhood did.

[00:11:59] I think other people, other spaces can break them. But for me, this was the tool guide used to make me realize, I can’t do this. And so Jesus became more than my savior and, maybe a little bit of a playbook or a rule book and a lifestyle like going to church lifestyle. It became more than that.

[00:12:31] Erin Michele: I’m seeing more and more even just having conversations with people that it really is like when we talk about trusting God, the first thing that comes to their minds are places that they’re broken. Or places that it hurts that it is hard because I’m even, I just talked to someone the other day and they said, they said, I could say before, you know, this hard thing happened in my life.

[00:12:53] I trust God, I trust God, but did I have to, it wasn’t the same. It was, it was true. And I was following him, but it wasn’t the same, same as the heart position of like, I trust him even in this. And I love, like you even said before, when we talked that. The messiness of motherhood, doesn’t go away. It’s still messy.

[00:13:16] It’s still a journey. And I love how you’re saying . It’s almost as if, because the messyness doesn’t go away, that you could to continue to know that you need God, you get to continue to say, like, I need you today too. This is really hard.

[00:13:32] Bethany: Yes. Yeah.

[00:13:33] Yes. And you know, I mean, even yesterday I was sitting yesterday and I had a, an appointment with a child and, And just it’s, it’s hard, it’s a hard space. We’ve walked some hard roads with some of our kids. and, and this child has walked in some spaces that are very hard and listening and hearing and recognizing, you know, what is still needed.

[00:14:00]In the inner part of my being. There was that raw space rise back up. So we’ve walked this for years now with this child. And that yet still that raw space rises up of is this my fault?  What did I do wrong? How can I fix this? And to hear the truth and the truth is that. God has called me to be faithful to the day, to today. And God is at work in that child’s life and he will use what he wants to use and he is. So my testimony is I’ve watched God use this radically, but it’s still very messy and it still is very painful. And this is still very ladened with me feeling like if I had only done something differently. Then this would be different and God continually reminding me. It is for her good. And my glory. It is for your good and my glory. And you are going to trust me in this. Only God to see around the bend.

[00:15:10]And we don’t know when the corners come because he only says light is for our feet. So it’s just for the next step or so. And yet what we can trust is that the way we’re walking now, it’s painful. And sometimes it feels as messy as it feels. And as much as we want to in a lot of ways just bail and we just want it perfect and easy.

[00:15:30] It is in those messy spaces that God speaks the loudest. And so I can tell you that in my children’s lives, their walks with the Lord, even in my children who are merging into adulthood, their walks with the Lord are only as strong as they are because they have walked messy walks and hard walks.

[00:15:55] And as their mother walking with them, I mean that honor to walk with them. But also, the realization that, my faith has grown watching God displayed in my children’s lives. 

[00:16:08]Erin Michele: This is such a hard truth. It’s such a hard truth to realize that it is in the messy and hard places that God speaks the loudest. And it’s really hard as a mother to think about that for your children. And just, as you were talking, I was having this memory where,

[00:16:28] I was walking around the house as everyone was asleep and quiet, and I was praying over each of my children. And as I was praying, prayers of safety and protection and peace over my children, I had this realization that if I pray that they don’t have to face any struggles or challenges, that I’m actually taking away the opportunity for God to be working the most deeply in their lives and changing them the most deeply.

[00:16:59] As I walked around and I thought about the challenges that I had faced as a kid, the times where I clung to Jesus as my savior, or was changed the most were the times that were the hardest, the years that had cried the most tears.

[00:17:14]And as a mom that is so hard  but I love how you are encouraging each and every mom to walk alongside and walk with our children in those messy  places, and to continue to pray for growth in their life. And not just theirs but to continue to pray for growth in ours as we walk through those hard places with them.

[00:17:38]I just love that. And yet I know there are still people somewhere out there feeling like it is just a messy, they just see the messiness and they just feel the overwhelm. What is it that you would say to someone who is still feeling this messiness and this overwhelming feeling?

[00:17:58]Bethany: I wrote about this  I wrote a little five day Bible study. It’s free, but it’s basically the main truths that God cemented into my mind back in those very early years with kids. And it became something. I had it on my mirror for a long time.

[00:18:18]Honestly, because I returned to so much I’ve memorized this versus the truths are there, they’re cemented, but it is in the messiest moments, just standing for a moment and remembering five truth, which is that God chose you. God chose you for these children. He chose you for this moment.

[00:18:40] There’s nobody better than you, but it is not because you bring to the table some skills or some perfect abilities. It is because he knows that you surrendered to him is the absolute perfect equation for what your children need in this moment. That’s the first trait. And there are so many times about how to stand here.

[00:19:04] Go pick on me for this. There’s nobody better. Not because I’m so good, but because God has said line up with me today, you’re the best. And then he listens and he will lead in equipment in this moment and he has great compassion for me and for my child. And then he will bring peace. And so seen in there sometimes in messy heartaches spots or just the messy of just, it’s just a rotten day and nothing is good.  And I have a rotten attitude.  Realigning to those truths that you chose me for today. And I know you’re listening to my heart and I know that you can see all the junk in there and you can see all the sad and all the scared.   You see it all and you will lead in equip me today for what I need cause clearly I don’t have it cause I’m falling apart, but you have so much compassion. Like all of that action is because he has great compassion for me. And then you will give me peace. And when I began to cement myself and anchor myself into the truths that is scriptural for those five truths that began to give me a solid base to function on as a mom.

[00:20:25] Erin Michele:  I love that.  I would have you give me the information about where we can get that in a little bit.   Thank you so much  For joining us for, encouraging me and encouraging the women listening today. And I was wondering if you would close us in prayer.

[00:20:41] Bethany: I would love to. 

[00:20:42] Lord Jesus you are so good. And so worthy of all honor and all praise. Jesus that you would come down and die for our sins, for the yuck of who we are and, the impatience and the short tempered and the rude and the selfish, all of the spaces that we all know exists within us. And not only just die for them, but you wade into the dirt and the muck of it with your compassion and say I love you right here.  (see 1 Thessalonians 5:23)

[00:21:15]But I’m not going to leave you here.  (see 1 Thessalonians 5:23) I’m going to walk you out and I’m going to walk you triumphantly in your motherhood. And Lord, I just pray for those who are listening. I ask that you begin to help them understand that in your word, you offer to walk with them, set them free, give them hope  and to bring them joy.

[00:21:37]And Lord that in all of that, that you are trustworthy. Lord we love you. I pray that your word will not return void, that it will change the hearts of those who are listening today. And that we may be different, that we may love our kids better, that we may love the people around us better, but  most importantly, Lord, I pray that we will learn how much you love us and that in response, we will let you. Lord, open our hearts to your word.

[00:22:07] Give us a love for your word in Jesus’ name,

[00:22:10] Amen.

[00:22:11] Erin Michele: Amen. Thank you so much, Bethany. I wanted to say thank you to our listeners today too.   I know that Bethany would love to hear from you guys Bethany. Can you tell us where we can find that resource that you were talking about?

[00:22:24] Bethany: Okay, it’s on. I called it the five truths when life gets crazy. It is on my Instagram bio in a link.  My website is, just Bethanykimsey.com and you could find it there as well.  I would love, it’s just a free little five day. It takes you five days to run through it.

[00:22:45] And it’s very simple but it is good truth.

[00:22:48]Erin Michele: Thank you so much for offering this to our listeners. And thank you so much for being here to talk with me today. I know I was so encouraged and I know our listeners will be too

[00:22:58] thank you. I’ll talk to you later.

[00:22:59] Bye

[00:23:03]guys, what do you think about Bethany? I just love the wisdom that she has to share with us.  I love all of these reminders, that God is with us in the hardest messiest moments. He is always working, but even in those hard moments, he is working. I just love that encouragement.

[00:23:27] Thank you to all of you who joined us today,  as I  said  I know Bethany would love to hear from you and I don’t know about you, but when she talked about that resource, I know that I want it.

[00:23:38] I will put all the links in the show notes, so go and check them out. I have some more news I mentioned last week, but this season of the podcast is coming to a close. There’s just a few more shows left. And so I want to encourage you guys to go and sign up for my newsletter.

[00:23:56] That newsletter is going to help you guys keep up to date with what’s happening, going forward, where you can connect with me.  And when season two will be launching. If you guys are interested in participating in a launch team   hearing how you can help

[00:24:10] I would love to hear from you. The easiest way for you guys to reach me is  on Instagram. You can find me there at steps to trusting.  I would love, love to hear from you guys. Another thing that is super helpful to prepare for next season’s launch is to have some good reviews. So guys,  if you enjoyed the show, I would love if you would take the time to write me a review of what you’ve been thinking and how you’ve been encouraged.

[00:24:35] Not only would it be good to prepare us for our next launch, but it also would so encourage my heart.

[00:24:41]To sign up newsletter, which needs to do is go to Erinmichelle.net. Now Michelle has one L in it. So Erin, michelle.net forward slash free resource. And  you can sign up to get my newsletter. And when you do that, you will get the free resource that I’ve been talking about. That resource is a five day Bible study and journaling plan, and it is designed specifically with questions to help you look at the scripture and to think about what’s your next step while you keep in step with what the scripture calls us to, to what God calls us to.

[00:25:14] I’m going to miss being here every week, but I am so looking forward to what season two has in store, I’ll still be here next week. Don’t  to me out too early. Next time on the show. We’ll continue to be talking about a biblical view of surrender. What does it look like to surrender? What does that really even mean?

[00:25:34]I hope to see you back here next week. But until then, I want to leave you with this reminder from Ephesians two 10 for we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. 

[00:25:48] Friends. I am praying for you as you keep on stepping.