Do you find the struggles of life pushing you to want to step ahead of the circumstances where God has you?  Are you struggling through being present in those challenges or struggling to find joy?  Listen in to hear how God used resting in his presence and wrestling through these challenges with God instead of alone to transform Anna’s depression and angst into joy. 

Journaling Questions:

• What is going on in your life that may be distracting you from the truth of God’s presence?
• Would you be willing to ask God to help you be aware of his presence?
• Are you willing to share your heart with God?
• Do you think he can handle the honesty of how you feel?
• What is your next step to trusting God more fully?

Want more journaling questions? Sign up here to receive your free, 5-day journaling tool to help explore your next step to trusting God more fully.

 I want to hear from you!
You can find me and join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram @stepstotrusting.

Hashtag your story of God’s faithfulness and stepping out in faith. #stepstotrusting

Verses mentioned in the episode:

• John – abide
• Exodus 16:21
• Psalm 42
• Psalm 44
• John 15
• Lamentations 3:22-23
• Matthew 11:28-30
• 1 Peter 5:7
• Psalm 23

Ephesians 2:10

Special thanks to Jim Dougherty for creating the music for the show! Check out his Album City of God on Spotify or Apple Music.

See below for a full transcript of the show.

Podcast- Anna

[00:00:00] Erin: Hi friends. This is Aaron Michelle. Welcome to steps to trusting. It is my goal here to meet you where you are in your faith journey and encourage you to continue to take steps to trusting the Lord more fully.

[00:00:14] I’m glad you’re here. And I think you’ll be too,

[00:00:17] If you have found yourself struggling to remain present, wishing that a challenge that you are in would pass, or if you’ve found yourself hiding from the challenge in front of you, then this conversation is for you. I pray you’ll be blessed.

[00:00:35] I’m also joined by Anna Kiker. Ana is a good friend of mine, and I’ve got to know over the last several years since she moved here from Colorado. Anna is a godly woman I’m excited for you guys to hear part of her story.

[00:00:50] Anna hi and welcome.

[00:00:52] Anna: My friend.

[00:00:53] Am so passionate about this and I’m so grateful to share with you what a precious, precious walk with the Lord. It could be if we just let go of the fear and trust the Lord in our day.

[00:01:09] Erin: Anna, I love your excitement So let’s jump right in.

[00:01:12] For those of you that are listening in, This conversation is centered around something that I personally am constantly facing . How do we engage with what’s happening right in front of us? How do we not be distracted by the future or by what feels overwhelming.

[00:01:29] How do we be present with our families, whether things are going perfectly or whether we’re going through challenges.

[00:01:35] Anya, I know it was a struggle for you to remain present in the challenges you were facing And it’s an area that you really found growth in when you first moved to Philadelphia. Can you tell us a quick snapshot of what was happening in that time?

[00:01:53] Anna: Yes, we moved many, many times across the world. And our recent move has been to Philadelphia. To give you a little tiny background, there were a lot of things happening with us. My husband started a PhD program. I had to go from being a part-time working mom to a full-time working mom. The kids have never had this experience before with their mom being gone all day long.

[00:02:18] And they were in a brand new school with no friends. Being sort of persecuted for being Christian and have a different mindset coming to this area. We immigrated my parents right at the same time. And my mom was diagnosed with cancer at the same time with no health insurance yet available because they literally just moved.

[00:02:34] so our life was extremely intense and that particular period of time.

[00:02:40] And I’ve gone through hard stuff. I grew up in a very volatile part of Russia too.

[00:02:43] So I’ve been through a lot of hard things, but there’s something about moving to Philadelphia The trial the heat was turned up to a degree that I have never experienced before and things happening with intensity of trial every single day.

[00:02:59] I made a choice I wanted to pay attention to my surroundings and actually be present with my kids. I started realizing in Psalm 23, that God prepared a table in the presence of the enemies. He wanted us to rejoice in him in the midst of our troubles.

[00:03:14] And this is where I felt like in had trial in the moment. I sense his presence, that he is with me every step of the way. And then when the trials come, I sort of realized that they are changing me. Those trials are changing my family. They’re changing those around me. And I felt like if we’re willing and open, the changes could be good.

[00:03:33] So that was the beginning of a new movement in my heart that the Lord had been whispering to me a long time. It’s just, I was finally willing to surrender and listen.

[00:03:44] Erin: Could you share with us a little bit of how you were feeling his presence during the day?

[00:03:48] Anna: I think because I paused and I became aware I needed to run to his presence.

[00:03:54] I got this idea of abiding in Christ, John 15:4 said abide in me, through the moments of the day, I felt like I just needed to remember that I must remember to surrender.

[00:04:06] Erin: What did you do specifically to help yourself be present?

[00:04:10] Anna: I think. I just kind of want to clarify. They been fully present to me. Wasn’t just noticing what was happening around me. It’s precious that I finally started noticing the kids and everything around me. I was kind of taken a life in and that’s precious in itself, but it was actually being prepared for the day to notice and be present.

[00:04:32] And what do I mean by being prepared for the day? For me personally, it meant getting up in the morning to be with the Lord. One of the scriptures that I loved was from Exodus when it talked about that Israel has had to come and gather manna in the morning for the day. And I felt like because manna, I came to Israel early morning.

[00:04:53] It was sort of instructive to me that, you know, I wonder if morning can be crucial to my day. I tread here gently with our listeners because I understand what it’s like to be mom with a newborn. And you literally just fed your baby at four in the morning. What does the morning mean to you?

[00:05:10] Right. So I don’t want to sound very legalistic when it comes to morning hours. I know for a lot of our listeners that could mean before going to bed or preparing for the next day or throughout the day, your baby’s down for a nap and you have that little 15 minutes time, or maybe it’s just again throughout the day. So, but coming to the Lord every day, quieting myself.

[00:05:30] If I know about what the day could bring, maybe I know already about the challenges that are in facing that. I’m just feeling like I’m laying them down before the Lord. And I feel like it’s almost like he’s walking me through those before I even get to it. So that has been crucial just coming to him, laying down my anxiety is journaling and letting him speak to me.

[00:05:51] Erin: As you were talking about that gathering each day, that idea of getting the manna, I just really was thinking about how, how important it is as, the Israelites were to go out each day and depend on the Lord.

[00:06:07] And so I was thinking what were those specific acts that you did in, in the day to go out and depend on what the Lord had for you for that day?

[00:06:15] Anna: I think it started with my time with the Lord journaling is something that’s been very important to me. I know journaling sounds probably overwhelming

[00:06:26] Erin: I love journaling.

[00:06:28] Anna: Okay. I know sometimes you could tell it’s all on me. Cause people think, it’s like this intense time of writing. It could be as, you know, as little as, or as much, but I think it helped me to focus on being present with the Lord in that moment in the morning.

[00:06:40] And is that what journal down? My thoughts, I would journal out my anxieties, my fears, I guess things that I was expecting that are going to come. I’ve challenges that I knew were coming and then just pause and kind of like him. Walk me through that day ahead of me and surrendering. As I would pour, I felt like God would pour into me with his scriptures of comfort.

[00:07:04] And as I laid down my burden right there on the paper I felt like, okay, I am ready. I’m ready to face the day. And did I do it perfectly every day? Absolutely not. Did the time of being with him in the morning. Prepared my heart so much better than if it wasn’t there.

[00:07:24] Absolutely.

[00:07:26] Erin: What are some of the verses that really encouraged you when you were going through this time?

[00:07:31] Anna: Yes. So I would say, if you look, let’s say in Psalm 44 or Psalm 42, a couple of Psalms that would share that he is pretty frustrated and he’s pretty angry and crying out with the Lord with the despair. But you’ll also see that in a he’s reminding himself, why are you so downcast within me? My soul.

[00:07:52] Why are you downcast? Put your trust in God. I will still yet rejoice in the Lord.

[00:07:56] That helps me to be present in my circumstances. I feel like When I’m going through the day and new circumstances pop up that I wasn’t even prepared for or even anticipated. And that could bring the sense of anger, fear, frustration, resentment, and confusion with the Lord. Why these events are being allowed into my day.

[00:08:18] And this is where I’m encouraging our listeners. And this is what helps me to continue to stay in present in the day. And in the trials is wrestle it out with the Lord. If you need sort of the blueprint of how to do it, look at Psalms. I feel like Psalms have been such a gift to us because this is where God is showing he’s not afraid of us being honest with him about our emotions- what we’re feeling. He actually almost encourages us to be that honest, because during that wrestling, this is when we get to see God , heart and him helping us and him. Change in our heart through the process. If we sort of pretend that everything’s fine and yet we’re so resentful in the heart, that’s not going to change us.

[00:09:02] That’s not going to change our circumstances, not going to change our heart, but if we wrestle it out with the Lord throughout the day, cry out, pray, think share how it is with the Lord. I feel like that there’s another way for us to stay fully present with our circumstances- engage, with our circumstances fully, instead of avoiding them, hiding from them, controlling them, but engage in them.

[00:09:23] If we do it with the Lord, I feel like that is another way to stay present.

[00:09:27] Erin: What do you think made you choose to spend that time with him in the morning?

[00:09:34] Anna: I think because I try not to before as well, and I just saw that it wasn’t working and , I think you can agree with me. You burn out pretty quickly. There’s not much that we have in ourselves that can sustain us. And I felt like it’s almost like it was a yearning and a need. I knew it was only him.

[00:09:54] Who is capable to get me through the day. Because at that point, I guess when we went to Philadelphia, the trials came up to the point that I no longer felt like I can handle myself. Like I used to before in other trials, it was beyond anything I could do. And I guess it was sorta out of that need. A very trying circumstances.

[00:10:12] I wish it wasn’t that I wish I was in great state of life and I just so honestly wanted to be with the Lord, but I think it was that desperation that led me to realize I came to the end of myself and it was only God who’s gonna help me to get through the day and actually take a breath as I got up in the morning.

[00:10:30] So that morning time with the Lord. Wasn’t that something I wanted or something that I thought was a great idea. It was needed. It was necessary. I couldn’t do it without it.

[00:10:41] Erin: So, as I have been asking people to talk about how they trust the Lord, there is this constant inflow of conversation that is struggles and trials. You know, it’s not in the moment. That, that we feel like we have it all together that we’re like, Oh, I’m trusting God so strongly.

[00:11:00] And, and yes, there may be this underlying trust or thankfulness, but when we actually have to act in faith, it’s these hard moments. It’s the need. It’s like you saying, I can’t get through my day if I don’t do it by starting with God,

[00:11:13] Anna: You know, our hearts are, are prone to wonder, right? I mean, we, whenever we are doing well and there’s this sort of comfort maybe that we have in our life, we’re distracted. And then when the trials come, that’s when the carpet swept up our feet and maybe, my hope going through trials.

[00:11:35] And as that induces this dependence on the Lord that then I’m not going to walk away from God as quickly when the trials sort of cease awhile and I’m still going to stay dependent on him.

[00:11:47] Erin: How does learning that trust help you to engage in the present? Now, if you’re going through a normal situation in life?

[00:11:56] Anna: Well, I honestly do believe that he is the source of all wisdom. He is the source of strength. He is the source of helping me to make decisions through the day. As I abide in him. So I feel like having experienced to walk with him in the trial of the day, through the intensity of pain, it’s almost like I don’t want to let go at that dependency of Him. That even when my days have gotten easier in some ways, and it’s not as, Oh my goodness. I can’t breathe kind of day. I have really gotten used to the feeling of his presence. I want to cry out to him throughout the day. I feel like I’m having a constant conversation with him throughout the day.

[00:12:39] My prayer life sometimes. Yes, there’s this dedicated time. Let’s say the morning where I sit down with a little, but also throughout the day, I feel like I’m continually community continually talking learning to pause. For example, if I’m having a conflict with my child, Before I think I would immediately react.

[00:12:58] I would just let my flesh go there. But I think through the trials and learning to pause in the trials from necessity. Now, it’s almost like it’s becoming a habit where I’m learning to pause and pray in my head. What is the right way to respond? What is going to be the most loving thing to do in this situation?

[00:13:16] Or a lot of the times my prayer would be like, Lord, please help me surrender my flesh in the moment, help me to die to myself. So you can live through me in a moment of conflict with my husband or my children, or my parents call me. Because they don’t speak English, I have to do everything for them and with them. They call and the say, something broke in our house and I have to go and. Call things and fix it. Like the overwhelming things that come up, pause and I pray and ask the Lord, please love for me. Walk through me, help me die to myself, help me get in the car, help me drive and love on my parents the best you know, how

[00:13:54] Erin: One of the big things that sticks out to me is the idea of surrendering. And the idea when I think about the trust and the desire to instead run from a difficult situation or hide from a difficult situation and not face the difficulty of it.

[00:14:12] If we’re running from it, we aren’t trusting God that he has a purpose for it in our lives. So I was thinking about applying this specifically to our mom life. Right. I think for me personally, I am struggling with this balance. And so I’m wondering if we can speak to other people that are struggling with that balance.

[00:14:33] You know, so for me personally, I am finding it hard to set aside the time but to yet be present with my kids and be ready to be present with them, you know?

[00:14:45] And I think so I’m processing through like, how do I apply this to my life? And I’ve heard some great things. So I’m just going to like, kind of shoot them back. You’re talking about first being in his presence, but in those moments, taking the pause and laying yourself down.

[00:14:58] And I think that’s something I want to make sure that, that we all take away that surrendering in that moment? You know, I was, I was actually talking with someone recently about choices and how we have a choice in those moments. You’re talking about that pause. There’s a choice. Am I going to do the thing that is easier that’s for myself?

[00:15:19] Or am I going to do the thing that I’m laying myself down in a way to serve the one that’s in front of me and therefore serve the Lord? Right. So I love, I love that practical advice.

[00:15:30] Anna: If I can speak to the balance idea. I don’t know, Erin, honestly I, I mean, if, if any one out there has to figure out sort of the balance, please, by all means, I’ll give you my address. I would love to hear that. I still have not figuring out a balance. I’m a, full-time working mom, I’m taking care of my parents full time.

[00:15:54] Kids and my husband is still a PhD student, so it’s intense. So I kind of surrender through the last five years that I’ve stopped looking for sort of the magic balance. I am looking more for how to exist in the tension. I feel like my I’m always in a tension and I always realized something will have to give, and I’m finally fighting the freedom that something will have to give, and I will never be able to balance something.

[00:16:20] So if it means that that your day we’re going to order pizza, because mom decided that I have been staying at work later and I just want to come and I want to spend and 20 minutes individually with each child. So I have three kids. 20 minutes with each child. That’s an hour. That’s how long it’s going to take me to sorta make the food serving and put on the table.

[00:16:41] I’m going to order pizza. I’m going to take that 20 minutes and I’m going to spend with each child that day. Cause I haven’t had any time with them. On other days. I’m home. I spend a lot of time with the kids. You know what that cabinets and the kitchen has been driving me crazy for a year.

[00:16:55] I’m going to teach time and I’m going to organize it. And it’s going to make everybody feel happier because they can find their stuff. So I just wonder if it’s continual living in tension daily, and I think that’s why going back to this idea of daily living. Is that you are faced with a brand new day.

[00:17:11] Every single day you’ll have this idea of mercies are new every day. Come to the Lord. I guess it doesn’t have to be, 30 minutes of your time. No, no, no, no, no. What if it’s just a breath of a prayer. You’re standing in the shower in the morning. You’re about to face your day.

[00:17:27] Can you pray? Can you ask the Lord Lord help me to be mindful of your wisdom today as I go through making decisions. Help me to just be aware of your presence that I can be prayerful throughout the day. And when the decisions come, help me, choose me, choose what is something that’s going to Edify you today?

[00:17:47] And every day will look different from the other. And I think that’s where I guess, so the balance for me, it’s not that I’ve perfectly balanced my full-time working with housework with attention. No, it’s just in that day, I sought the Lord and my decisions looked a little different than the next day. But I prayed and I sought his wisdom.

[00:18:08] Erin: What I hear is a heart position, right? It’s that turning to him? It’s that coming to him and desiring to walk with him instead of desiring to walk our own way.

[00:18:18] Anna: Right. I think, I think we really haven’t fully tapped in and I haven’t either this idea of what does it look like to abide in him like that? When Jesus talked about the branches and the vine and John 15, we call it that scripture. We’ll talk about it right? When you hear sermons about it. But I don’t think we’ve fully tapped into it.

[00:18:36] What’s it like to abiding? I mean, it’s like this full on dependence on him continually. And I guess that’s where I am excited to enter the stage of continual learning Lord what is it like for me to abide in you throughout my day. He promised rest. He promised to give me wisdom. He promise to guide me. So abiding in him?

[00:18:58] I think it’s just that awareness. He is there. We’re just not tapping into his presence. We’re just not taking advantage of what he says that my strength is perfect in your weakness. We are not tapping into it. I think we’re too busy. I think if you’re anything like me, you feel like I can handle it.

[00:19:15] I am a strong woman and I’m just going to get it done. And we miss out, we miss out on just incredible opportunity of tapping into his strength.

[00:19:24] Erin: If life was easy and you didn’t have to experience hard days or seasons, what blessing would you have missed?

[00:19:31] Anna: I’ve thought about it so many times. That’s an excellent question. I actually felt jealous of people who seem to have easier lives, which is so not true. Cause none of us get out of this life unscathed, but The more saturated the trials have become during our time and Philadelphia, the more saturated, the presence of Jesus.

[00:19:53] I felt. I am so grateful for that Erin. I felt like if the saturation of trials didn’t happen, I would have never experienced the closeness with Jesus. The understanding if his character that I read about it, heard about it. It’s different when you sit at the church and you hear the pastor talk about, God loves you.

[00:20:14] God is there for you. He’s in the fire with you and you just kind of sit there and blah, blah, blah, cause you don’t really, you know, like, okay, this is great, you know, But then when you were in the fire and you feel like literally you get out of bed and you feel like you can’t breathe because somebody’s sitting on your chest.

[00:20:29] Hypothetically speaking, because you’re just so anxious, you suddenly hear the whisper that I am with you and you suddenly figured out, okay. You get out of bed and you take a shower. And that was a big accomplishment because you’re feeling like you’re so depressed and you feel like you can’t do it, but you’re praying as you’re going and taking a shower, you’re praying as you get out of the shower, you’re praying and you’re asking God, please, Jesus, please help me.

[00:20:54] Help me get out of this room and face the bazillion of needs of that day  I Jesus, please help me help me. And then suddenly seeing. At the end of the day that I did it, but I only know I did it because of the Lord. And suddenly you realize. He is loving.

[00:21:10] So what the pastor talks about it in the church. And when I read in the Bible, that is all true, cause I have seen it in my own life. I’ve seen it today. I’ve seen it that I know for the fact. But the reason I took a shower and I was able to get out of my room was because Jesus was with me and he literally walked me through those steps.

[00:21:29] I knew it wasn’t me because I came to the end of myself, the moment I got up that morning. And I guess that’s where I will never trade any of the trials that happened because I have experienced when it’s like, at least a glimpse of what it’s like, who the true Lord Jesus is. Who people talk about? I I’ve tasted I’ve tasted the life.

[00:21:50] I want anything less than that anymore. I want that saturation of Jesus in my life. I don’t want to go back to the time of my life, where I did not felt him the way I do now.

[00:22:01] Erin: Well, and I was thinking, as you’re talking, just for those of you who don’t know Anya when I first met her, I knew she was a godly woman. But I have watched joy grow in her and. I’m not supposed to be crying, I, but I have watched joy grow and in her and in you, and that has been so encouraging. Hearing you share about the things that you’re going through in a godly way, right from the beginning that you were approaching them in a godly way. But now to hear you talk about the joy that you have. There is a difference in what God has worked in your life through this struggle. it’s been a joy to watch you have that joy.

[00:22:51] Anna: Thank you. Thank you.

[00:22:54] Erin: If you could have taken away this challenge with this move, but you’d have to give up all that you learned and those around you learned, would you take it back?

[00:23:03] Anna: Please don’t, don’t take it away from me. No, would say when I first moved here and I think Erin, you and I talked about it and it was just, I was so angry. I was bitter. I was resentful. I was telling everybody how I was dragged here against my will. Colorado finally was my home. And why did God do this?

[00:23:22] Because my kids were hurting. We believe that this was really a breaking point for me. I just felt like how could a loving God? How could a loving God? Bring so much pain with such intensity and in such short amount of time, I just could not bring myself to that.

[00:23:39] And I was trying to find somebody to blame for it. I was blaming my husband initially. I was blaming circumstances and everything. And eventually through, again, wrestling with the Lord, I started realizing, you know, what my bone is to pick with you, God. It is not about my husband coming to choosing to do his PhD work.

[00:23:56] You open that door for us. Clearly you are the one that brought us here. My bone is to pick with you and not with my husband. And this is where the turnaround came for me. That I started engaging with the Lord with my heart and the bitterness and the anger and frustration I had. And I decided to engage him versus hide from him or pretend that okay, well, apparently God’s not caring, so I’ve got to fix it myself and try to kind of figure it out.

[00:24:21] No, I started engaging him and I started seeking his heart. In that moment, things started changing for me and what the Lord has shown me, who he is in this and how his brought amazing changes that actually have made us. Completely different people. No, I will never take it back. I will do this all over again.

[00:24:42] I know it’s hard and I, and I’m saying this I have a little, like a little shiver in my do I really do? I really mean it, but honestly I do. We are different people. My kids are different people.

[00:24:53] Erin: How are you different? How are your kids different?

[00:24:57] Anna: Yeah, that’s an excellent question. I feel like we learn God is worthy of our trust. God is who he says he is. Before I went through this saturated amount of trial, I felt like I had a lot of head knowledge. I was discipled by the navigators. So scripture memory and everything was very near and dear to my heart.

[00:25:16] I could quote scriptures with the best of them, but I didn’t live through those times. I did not live through the trials. So those scriptures I’m realizing now really didn’t mean much to me. So the word is alive to me. The word is real. And when I read the Bible and I see what Jesus says

[00:25:35] I see, Oh my goodness, that is so true. I’ve seen it in my life. I’ve experienced the Lord being there. I’ve experienced the Lord saying, come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you a rest. Erin, I’ve seen it in my life before I actually memorized it. And I quoted it. I didn’t actually experience it.

[00:25:50] But I’ve experienced it. I experienced when it says in Peter cast your anxiety onto him because he cares. I’ve experienced that I’ve experienced it. When there’s all these things in the Psalms where David is realizing, wait a minute. But God will take care of me. God will set a table for me in the presence of my enemies, and I can find joy and I can celebrate the moments.

[00:26:12] In the middle of the trial. I have seen that there no longer a theory, those no longer a Bible memorization or a pastor preaching, this is real. The Bible is real. The word is living and now. To me. It’s like Christianity. It’s a real thing. It’s not, it’s not a choice. It’s not a religion.

[00:26:29] It’s it’s real. It’s I don’t know how do I would not be in his presence. I don’t see how you can go through life like that. I don’t know. Honestly, I’ve tried. It’s it’s terrible. So my kids my husband, there’s a lot of humility that my husband has that I have never seen, in my life. That made him a gentler person. That made him a person who understands, who cares, who is slow to react, who approaches now situations with a lot of humility.

[00:26:58] I think my kids now are at a place where there was a lot of consideration for others. My daughter, for example, she’s a teenager and reached out to new girl that just moved a few months ago and said,

[00:27:10] I know what it’s like to hurt. Like you’re hurting right now. My teenage daughter ministered to another teenager.

[00:27:17] So deeply. Do I want these trials to be taken away no?

[00:27:20] Erin: What do you say to the person who stands in a similar place of trial?

[00:27:26] Anna: I want to tread this gently because trials are trials and are different and they’re real for each one of us. And I want to tread very gently. If another person would come to me during the time that I was going through and tell me, Oh girl, you got to read that Bible. Jesus is real. This is all going to work out.

[00:27:47] I would be like, bite me. This is not going to work. So I’m very careful as I’m sharing this, I am very sensitive to the pain that our listeners might be going through. So please take it with sort of that humility that I’m sharing this.

[00:28:01] I am just encouraging. You engage with the Lord. Engage with the, which start with crying out your pain. Start there, just start sharing with the Lord, how you feel. If you’re afraid to do that, if you feel like, well, that’s not a very Christian thing to do, or you don’t really quite know.

[00:28:18] Pick up the book of Psalms, start reading through them and then put your name instead of David’s name in them or the psalmist. Put your name as you cry out. Read that song as your prayer to God. Start praying. There is at least one song in that whole Bible.

[00:28:32] That will speak to how you feel right now. And if you can pick up that Psalm and you live through it and you choose one that reflects how you feel, pray it, read it out loud to God and just pray it, Lord, this is my prayer to you right now. This is how I feel. This is how I feel. Start with that. As you start gradually engage in that I am imploring you doing daily, do it daily.

[00:28:54] Don’t be afraid that maybe the first few days all you’re doing is you feel like you’re complaining all you’re doing as you feel like you’re crying out. God is there to handle that. God is so loving. He wants us to be our real self and listen, don’t be afraid to be who you are, because I’ll tell you this.

[00:29:10] As you continue wrestling with the Lord, your heart will start changing. You will start seeing yourself and God in such a different way. So I guess that’s where I would start with.

[00:29:20] Erin: That’s so good. That’s just such wisdom. but to those of you who are listening you know, hear that as someone who has been where you are. Hear that is someone who. Has grown through hardships and those hardships are deep and wide.

[00:29:39] But now, so is the joy of the Lord.

[00:29:43] Anna: Yes.

[00:29:44] Erin: Well you got me crying, so that’s a good, podcast, right?

[00:29:47] Anna: my friend my friend. I feel like is this idea that I’ve been desperate to share with others that have been so dear to me that if we learn to abide in him in the mundane of everyday life, then our everyday is no longer mundane Erin.

[00:30:03] It is so. Rich with his presence. And that’s what I’ve seen.

[00:30:07] This past few days. I have been at home. The kids have been at home. That mundane the last few days was still very rich with his presence when I could actually be at attentive. And I saw my daughter reflecting on something about her school and how she reacted to a school person and how much grace she decided to show. And it was just praising the Lord. Or a hurt that one is still experiencing as a high school or a teenager, not quite fit in the community and then processing it with the Lord and praying with him and crying out in the name of the Lord. Erin, this is the mundane, but this is where the richness of Jesus is in that mundane of a day. It’s incredible. It’s incredible. The life is not easier. My trials have not gone away and I bet you they’re still coming. But the actual day to day richness of the Lord,

[00:30:51] I can go to heaven now and just be like, Lord, thank you. I feel like I’ve lived a life and I’m so grateful.

[00:30:57] Erin: love how you were just talking about the stepping in the mundane because again, so the show is called steps to trusting, right? And, and I think that’s part of what I’m exploring. That’s part of what I’m trying to learn is that each step we take has to be a step of trust. It can’t just be the move.

[00:31:18] Yes. You have to trust God with the move, but it’s those little moments. moments of am I going to trust God? with the daily, small moments. Am I going to trust him that well, right now my husband doesn’t have a job and that’s where we’re living. Right. , or right now my child is struggling with, something and that’s where I’m living.

[00:31:39] Am I trusting him for that moment to say. This is really, really hard and yet you’re doing something in it. Oh, one of my children went through something that was hard at school several years ago as well. And we were just talking about it and how at that time, I encouraged him to read through the Psalms and we were talking about it now he’s had ups and downs at school and things like that, but I was just saying do you remember how sweet those Psalms were then?

[00:32:07] You know, and now it’s like there’s been this, this void of feeling that need to be in the Psalms for him and he’s feeling it again, and I’m like, they’re still there waiting for you.

[00:32:20] Anna: Yes. Yes. That’s exactly it. It’s like we’re really. There’s a presence of the Lord there that we’re not tapping into, you know, like, and I’ve started seeing that, that I, when we’ve started kind of changing the way we go about our day, I was like, wow. Wow. There was, God was always saying there the whole time, like in the little things.

[00:32:39] that my daughter was really blessed that I made her cinnamon rolls this morning and it took me to kind of lay down my life that I didn’t get my workout in, in time but it blessed her day. It set her up for like this moment of , Oh my goodness, I can go and take my tests now because I feel loved it.

[00:32:55] Wasn’t about the cinnamon rolls. It was about love, but you’re paying attention. And God was present. I tapped into his power to lay down myself, my agenda, what I wanted to do that morning to love my child. And then I was truly blessed to see her little eyes light up and feeling loved all it took is really me tapping into the Lord strength to lay my life down that morning.

[00:33:18] I mean, I don’t have all these pretty stories all the time, but I’ll tell you this. I have a lot more of them now than I used to because it’s in the mundane, it’s in everyday life and we see Jesus.

[00:33:28] Erin: I was wondering if you would close us in prayer and that if you would cover us in prayer for his strength,

[00:33:35] Anna: yes, dear Lord. I am so excited that you have given us an opportunity to reflect on just a sliver of who you are. I am so incredibly grateful for this time with Erin. Lord, I just pray that you will continue to encourage in all of us too. Lay down our agenda lay down our fears, lay down to our resentment or regret or fear or anxiety by coming to you whenever it is. Throughout the day in the morning, in the evening, whenever it is Lord. Help us to become suddenly aware that you are around me.

[00:34:15] You’re with me, you were available. You’re available to talk, you’re available to cry out to you’re available to scream. You’re available to laugh with you, your available you’re always there. You’re always there become aware of where we’re going around our day in the kitchen, or as we’re trying to manage our kids’ schedule or with COVID, as we’re trying to figure out all the anxieties and fears Lord help us to remember you are there for us and we can cry out to you and we draw on your strength and Lord how grateful we are that you’re there. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for being our God who is not far away, but ever so present right here right now with us in the moment.

[00:35:01] Thank you Jesus. In Jesus name. Amen.

[00:35:04] Yeah,

[00:35:04] Erin: Anya, thank you so much for joining me today and for encouraging each of us to depend on the Lord for each moment.

[00:35:13] Anna: Absolutely. Thank you.

[00:35:16] Erin: Friends. Thank you so much for joining us. I pray that it was a blessing as you listened in on how Ana was learning this lesson.

[00:35:24] i hope that whether you find yourself in the mundane, in the joyous or in the hard places

[00:35:31] that you would feel the tender tug of our Lord Jesus, to cry out to him to turn your heart, to him, to spend time with him.

[00:35:40] Don’t forget to check out the show notes . There are journaling questions there to help you process through. I love that. One of the things Anna talked about was that she journaled and really let out her feelings and looked at the scriptures. There are some journaling questions to help you to do the very same thing.

[00:35:59] I’ll have to journal as much as Ana and I do. There is also journaling resource and the show notes. It’s a journaling Bible study, to look at scripture and questions to help you to engage with the scripture and help you to look at what your next step might be.

[00:36:16] That is a free resource that I want to give you guys just click on the link and fill out the information and I will send that free resource to you.

[00:36:25] Friends as always. I hope to see you back here next time. But until then, I wanted to leave you with this reminder from Ephesians two 10 for we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

[00:36:42] Friends, I am praying for you as you keep on stepping.