“Have you ever found yourself frustrated by the brokenness around you? You see your kids fighting and you can’t seem to get them to stop. You see friendships that are broken and you can’t seem to fix them.
If you’ve stood in this place, if you’ve wanted and wished and longed and grieved, because you couldn’t be enough in these areas, then this episode is for you. 

Friends, this episode was born out of a struggle in my heart that I was feeling last week…
Still wanting to be enough, this struggle of thinking that if I act a certain way, a certain outcome will come…”

Journaling Questions:

·      What’s something you have known in your head but God is working to teach it to your heart?  

·      What are you learning that seems harder or heavier as you are learning it?

·      Is there something you are seeking to give you identity or satisfaction that is falling short? What is it?

·      What are the milestones you mark in your of your faith?  Do you see something God is trying to work in you now?

·      Are you trying to be righteous enough?

Sign up here to receive your free, 5 day journaling tool to help explore your next step to of trust.  

 I want to hear from you!
 You can find me and join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram @stepstotrusting.

Hashtag your story of God’s faithfulness and stepping out in faith. #stepstotrusting

Verses mentioned in the episode:

·      Romans 1:25

·      Romans 1:16

·      Hebrews 11:5

·      Hebrews 12:1

·      Romans 4:2

·      11 verses about secure feet

·      II Timothy 2:13

See below for the full transcript.

[00:00:00] Erin: Welcome to steps to trusting. Hi, I’m Erin Michele at steps to trusting it is my goal to meet you where you are in your faith journey, and to encourage you to continue to take steps, to trusting the Lord more fully. I’m so glad you’re here

[00:00:15] Have you ever found yourself

[00:00:17] frustrated by the brokenness around you? You see your kids fighting and you can’t seem to get them to stop. You see friendships that are broken and you can’t seem to fix them.

[00:00:32] if you’ve stood in this place, if you’ve wanted and wished and longed and grieved, because you couldn’t be enough in these areas, then this episode is for you. Friends,This episode was born out of a struggle in my heart that I was feeling last week, the struggle,

[00:00:52] Still wanting to be enough, this struggle of thinking that if I act a certain way, certain outcome will come.

[00:01:01] I’ve ordered it in the way it’s airing after this episode with Eileen episode 38, because I think that was part of Eileen struggled to thinking that if she could be a good friend,

[00:01:15] If she could act in a way of friendship, then she would have good friends around her. And so as that was Eileen’s struggle. My struggle has more been if I could be a good enough. Then I would have obedient children.

[00:01:30] That’s a burden that was taking on myself and looking to make my children who I want them to be instead of out of faith. looking to God for that change, If you’re like me,

[00:01:44] if you lose sight of trusting God And everyday places, if you lose sight of remembering that he’s there and he’s trustworthy, then I hope you’ll come along. I’m going to start us in prayer.

[00:01:57] Dear God, you know, my heart, you know, the ache it’s felt, You know, the heaviness that I’ve tried to carry

[00:02:04] and all along while I tried to carry these burdens, You were there saying, come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest. And so Lord, I pray that as we go through this topic that you would be with all of us, that you would help us to see that you are rest. You are the one that will carry the burdens that seem too heavy. And even the ones that we think that we can bear on our own and so Lord I pray that you would help us to come to you and find rest. And it’s in Jesus’ name that I pray.

[00:02:40] Friends. This one might be a hard one for me But I feel like this is the story that needs to be told right now. So here we go last week was a pretty hard week for me. it wasn’t actually specifically last week because these podcasts come out a little bit delayed, but last week I had a really hard week.

[00:03:00] Everything felt heavy, everything felt hard. And one of the things that was burdening me was feeling like I just couldn’t carry the brokenness of people around me. Maybe cause I had enough brokenness of my own.

[00:03:17] I remember recently in a podcast. I said, I think when you’re learning something, sometimes before it gets better, it sometimes gets harder. And I feel like that’s where I am again. I’ve been looking at this idea of brokenness. I’ve been looking at this idea, that we talked about in episode 37, when we talked about the brokenness that came into the world, when Eve took an ate.

[00:03:47] And has it been learning. And I know that God is the one that comes and redeems , but as that lesson was marinating in my life, and maybe I took my eyes off of who God is and his faithfulness to us, I just became overwhelmed by the brokenness. I’m tired of brokenness. and feeling like I should be able to make it better.

[00:04:11] I’m tired that I’m broken and I’m tired that I have to listen to broken people disagree.

[00:04:18] And so it felt heavy that when I asked my kids to stop fighting, my words were not enough. It felt heavy that although I had given nice things to my children, I was hearing complaints and a lack of thankfulness.

[00:04:32] Because it feels like sometimes if we do all these things that we should be recognized for them, right? giving the nice gifts to our kids,

[00:04:43] we think that they should then turn and be thankful. And that’s not always the case. And I think what stemmed even more so to this heaviness in me was as I was seeing that I was so frustrated and watching other people be broken. I was really realizing how much I’m broken. How much when my God gives me so many great big things that I often forget that they are from him.

[00:05:14] I talk about it on here all the time. But, like I said before, I talk about these things because I’m seeking them out, I’m seeking to walk in faith. when I see that lack of thankfulness and it’s frustrating and hard and it hurts me and then I realize I’ve done that to my father just feels that much heavier and harder.

[00:05:38] I don’t want to be the girl who always talks about the hard thing. But the reality of it is even while we hold happy and beautiful things, we, hold hard things in our lives too.

[00:05:50] We hold that we are not enough. As a parent, I’m not enough to get my children to obey. As a friend, I can’t fulfill all the needs

[00:06:01] that friends have.

[00:06:02] I can’t take away their hurt and heartache. I can’t be available as much as they need me to be.

[00:06:08] So friends, I want to point you to the hope when you feel that way, because we will feel this way because we have this capacity that we talked about on episode 37. We have capacity that limits us, and we have limits us because we are broken people.

[00:06:29] friends. God has been working this in my life. as I was feeling this lesson growing in my heart, as I was grieving, this pain that was caused by my own sin, my own self-centeredness of wanting to be enough. I was reminded of a moment, a moment where I sat in a similar pain, a similar frustration, and my husband turned to me and said, Erin, this is how your great-grandmother grew to be the godly woman you knew her to be. This may feel like a detour before we’ve even started, but I want to go ahead and tell you a little bit about my great-grandmother. Her name was Esther Jane’s and I just called her gram. She was a very godly lady. When I knew her, she taught Sunday school. She answered patiently. She opened her home to guests. She loved and served people. And in a time where I was contemplating who she was

[00:07:34] and how she acted and how I aspired to be a godly woman, like her. I was Sitting in a place of challenge and frustration Like I was feeling last week, over the brokenness around me and the brokenness in myself and wanting to be able to react. Like I would expect her to react. And in that moment of frustration, where I was frustrated at the kids and frustrated at my reaction. My husband looked me in the eye and said, Erin, this is how, this is how your great grandmother learned patience and love and mercy clinging to God in these moments, going through these challenges. When life is hard, when relationships are hard,

[00:08:26] when there is brokenness and need for mercy and grace, this is how your grandma became who she was when you knew her. This moment was years ago, But this truth is continuing to sink into my heart, I think even now it’s sinking into new places because my grandmother didn’t just try harder or do better when she was faced with those challenges.

[00:08:53] She clinged to God, in those moments, she relied on him when she couldn’t do enough or be in. My husband also likes to tell me this story about my daughter.

[00:09:06] It doesn’t say it quite as much as he used to, but when she was little and he would say, Erin, you want her to be where you are now. You want her to know what, you know, how old are you and how old is she? And it makes me think of that same thing in myself that I wanted to be where my great-grandma was. I wanted to know what she knew I wanted to have. Righteousness grown in me,

[00:09:37] but I hadn’t gone through the places that she had gone through. I was still going through the process of cleaning tightly to God and letting him work through me.

[00:09:48] And even now I have to be reminded that if God began a good work in me, he will carry it out until completion.

[00:09:57] It’s not up to me to grow that righteousness in myself.

[00:10:01] and I was seeking that instead of seeking God.

[00:10:05] So last week I was getting confused. Thinking a good behavior could fulfill me. I want it to be enough and I wanted them to be enough. And I thought if I could hold that, then I would be satisfied or content.

[00:10:20] as I was going through this challenge and preparing to record,

[00:10:24] I lost sight of some truths that I needed applied to my life. I may have known them in my head, but I needed them applied to my. And we’re going to go ahead and kind of dive back into that, look at what are some of those truths.

[00:10:40] and I want to start by looking back at our conversation last week with Eileen Hammerman. I took some time off before recording but I aired them this way on purpose because Eileen’s lesson that she can’t find satisfaction in anything

[00:10:56] but God I think is this very same lesson that God is showing me.

[00:11:02] This very same lesson. I want my actions to bring certain outcomes.

[00:11:09] I have to learn to take my actions and faith, knowing that God is the one who changes hearts and God is the giver of good gifts. And I needed that reminder.

[00:11:21] And as I was contemplating the lesson that God was writing on my heart, I could see the similarities with Eileen and See the truth that she was saying, how we, we give up

[00:11:35] the truth that the creator for a lie..

[00:11:37] she talks about the truth from Romans one verse 25 that says they exchanged truth about God for a lie. And they worshiped and served the creature rather than the creator who is to be blessed forever.

[00:11:53] Eileen talked about this in friendship, and she talked about how she sought, they created things. She, she sought the gift of God that friendship. And she sought it so deeply thinking that would be what would bring her satisfaction rather than seeking the creator. I think that’s the truth of what was happening in me, this pain, that I thought I could be satisfied by being a good enough mom, by thinking my behavior or their behavior could fulfill me.

[00:12:24] this pain and frustration is because I’m focusing on a place where we lack Where we can’t achieve. And my heart was grieving that I couldn’t find satisfaction in a place that is not able to give me satisfaction. I was looking to behavior instead of looking to my creator and worshiping him.

[00:12:48] I was holding up the status of being a good mom as an idol. It’s funny how God lines up these learnings in our life. And in like I said, that wasn’t just last week for me. It was actually quite a while ago. Yeah, as I’m remembering back to what Eileen was teaching us. I, in a reading plan was brought to Romans one today and looking at an, an earlier part of the passage

[00:13:21] that says the righteous shall live by faith.

[00:13:24] That this is contrasted. When it talks about those who gave up this place, they don’t live by faith. they worship and serve the creature rather than the creator. They set up an idol in their lives to seek after, instead of living by faith. Let’s look at Romans one, starting in verse 16. I am not ashamed of the gospel for it is the power of God for salvation, to anyone who believes to the Jew first and also to the Greek for in it. The righteousness of God is revealed from faith, for faith, as it is written, the righteous shall live by faith.

[00:14:11] The righteous will live by faith.

[00:14:14] That strikes me so strongly and is a reminder to me that I don’t live by my works. We’ve been talking about this over and over and yet we’re also talking about how do we step out in faith? How do we actively trust God and pursue him? There is always this side of heaven going to be this tension.

[00:14:37] You see, I needed this reminder in that struggle that I don’t live by taking an action that then affects at someone else and turns their heart to God. I live by faith. I might still be called to that action, to that action of asking my children to apologize and stop taking things from each other.

[00:15:01] I may still be called to that action, but that action is not my righteousness. The righteous will live by. There’s a couple things that come to mind here. And the first is what’s called the great exchange in the Bible where God takes our sin and gives us his righteousness.

[00:15:21] We live by God’s righteousness because he is enough in those moments when we are not, we have, we are called to faith in those moments, faith, that God is the one who changes hearts, that God is the one

[00:15:37] who can turn my children’s hearts to them who can turn my heart to him. And so in those moments, I actually need to have faith, not in myself, not my words, not my actions, but in my God knowing.

[00:15:52] Those actions matter

[00:15:54] cause Jesus said in John 15, if you love me, you will keep my commandments.

[00:15:59] So those actions matter, but righteous actions can’t make me righteous. Those actions actually flow out of faith. Faith, because we believe God is worthy of our love faith that we believe he is the one working. faith, because we believe he died for us, that he took on our sin and took on our punishment that we deserved.

[00:16:26] The righteous shall live by faith. Let’s look at the part of the verse before that too. So it’s talking about the verse before where he says he’s not ashamed of the gospel. And he says for, in it, so in the gospel is the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith.

[00:16:47] I sent some time contemplating that this morning, And I recommend that you guys take some time journaling through what does it mean that righteousness of God, as revealed from faith and for faith?

[00:17:02] Just as I was contemplating the mystery of what this really means

[00:17:08] that it takes faith for us to see and believe who God is for us to see his righteousness. in seeing that righteousness for our faith,

[00:17:20] our faith is then encouraged. Because we see who God is. We see that he’s faithful and just, and loving.

[00:17:28] I want to take you to another passage I’ve been looking at about faith and it’s in Hebrews 11,

[00:17:33] Hebrews 11 is often called hall of faith. Is that what they call it? Something like that. But it’s all about people of faith.

[00:17:43] And again, I recommend that you guys go and read Hebrews 11.

[00:17:48] I’m going to focus in starting in verse five. it says,

[00:17:53] by faith, Enoch was taken up so that he would not see death because God had taken him. now, before he was taken, he was commended as having pleased God, and without faith, it is impossible to please him for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. And it continues on talking about more people of faith but I’m so struck by this passage saying without faith, it is impossible to please him talking about God,

[00:18:28] friends. We can’t please God by our good actions.

[00:18:33] And I know that I’ve been told that for much of my life and told that it’s not works. That makes us righteous. It’s not, it’s not that the good can outweigh the bad. I can’t. And yet my heart still wants to earn something good from God. I want to earn his pleasure I want him to look on me with love and grace and mercy. And somehow I want to earn that.

[00:19:02] But Without faith. It is impossible to please him for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and rewards those that seek him.

[00:19:12] So an action

[00:19:14] taken without faith. Cannot, please. God.

[00:19:17] After this, chapter 11 continues to talk about all the acts of faith.

[00:19:23] Then we find ourselves in chapter 12, verse one, and it says since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,

[00:19:33] Let us also lay aside every weight and sin that clings so closely. And let us run with endurance the race set out before us looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our. Before the joy that was set before him endured the cross despising the shame and is seated the right hand of the throne of God.

[00:19:55] This verse cause us to action.

[00:19:59] It calls us to lay aside weights and sin that cling to us, it tells us To take the steps that God laid out in front of us, but to do it quickly and with endurance, the race that is set before us, that we’re to do that, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith friends.

[00:20:22] I started this podcast saying if you have felt the weight of other sin, if you have felt weight, the weight of your own sin,

[00:20:31] that we would realize that when we come to God, that there is a rest.

[00:20:37] We’re not called to carry the weight of sin. nor are we called to carry the weight of good works.

[00:20:45] We’re called to look to Jesus.

[00:20:48] The one who is called the Perfector and founder of our faith,

[00:20:52] the one that took action for us, when he saw the joy that was set before him, he endured the cross.

[00:21:01] We’re called to look to him

[00:21:04] God is teaching me this necessity of living by faith and not by our works. And one of the. Character’s in this hall of faith, it really is being impressed on my mind right now is Abraham. I want to go back and look at another place in the Bible where it talks about Abraham and his faith.

[00:21:24] And so we’re going to go to Romans four Romans four versus. For if Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about, but not before God for what does the scripture say? Abraham believed God. And it was counted to him as righteousness. Now to the one who works. His wages are not counted as a gift, but as his due.

[00:21:45] And to the one who does not work, but believes in him who justifies the ungodly. His faith is counted as righteousness Just as David also speaks of the blessing of the one whom God counts as righteousness apart from works blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven and whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.

[00:22:09] As I was thinking about these things, thinking about God being my righteousness. I found myself at church singing the song. I thank God by Maverick city. And we got to the place where it says he sets my feet on solid ground.

[00:22:24] Thinking about that line, he placed my feet on solid ground, and I know it’s taken directly from a verse. I’d have to look it up to tell you what it is. I’ll put it in the show notes.

[00:22:35] When I think about these steps to trusting that we take these steps of faith. The steps of righteousness that we want to do for the Lord. I think about those steps. I focus so much on the steps, but I’m thinking what about what we’re walking on? What about the solid ground? Have to remember That by faith, I take these steps on faith. on the author Of our faith and what he tells me not so I can earn righteousness, but because the gift of righteousness as part of the faith that I walk on part of the solid ground, but even if I am faithless. God’s righteousness still undergirds me. It still holds me up. It still has this strong foundation of God’s righteousness.

[00:23:34] I don’t have to walk enough to be righteous, but I can take step after step on God’s righteousness, because when I’m faithless, he is faithful. He promised us that those who turned to him, who confess to him that he would forgive us our sins. And he does that by taking our sin and giving us. It’s righteousness.

[00:24:02] Back in college, I had a struggle of faith where I think I shared part of this before with you guys. Where it stemmed back, even farther in high school, I had a lot of questions and I didn’t ask them. And in college, all of my questions fell down around me I felt like my faith wasn’t strong enough. Like I couldn’t hold together my faith. And I was trying so hard to have enough faith. I spent a lot of years praying the prayer of the father in mark nine I believe forgive my unbelief.

[00:24:36] And for years I wanted more faith. And for years I tried in my own efforts to just believe.

[00:24:44] when the change came for me, there’s multiple places. I saw God working. But specifically when I think about my strengthening faith, I think about the passage that says, even if we are faithless, God is faithful

[00:25:01] This verses found in second Timothy two 13, It says, if we are faithless, he remains faithful.

[00:25:09] That verse really gets me thinking now reminds me that God is the same. He doesn’t change. And so, and he doesn’t need our faith to be faithful. Thinking about that has changed how I looked at my faith. I kept looking at myself and thinking I need to muster up enough faith.

[00:25:34] I need to just believe.

[00:25:36] But this first reminds me to look at who God is. I And I look back on that and I think of how God was building my faith I can be faithless. I cannot believe, but he doesn’t stop being faithful. So I invite you. If you feel like you are standing in a place of faithlessness to turn your eyes, to look at God, instead of looking at yourself, I know that’s what I needed last week.

[00:26:08] And those moments felt so heavy because I was looking at myself. I was looking at trying to be enough to do the right thing, to do it, my own strength to try and fix. The problem, instead of looking to the God who promises to Redeemer brokenness already sent his son who already proved by raising Jesus, that he has the power to do what he says he will do.

[00:26:40] And so I invite you guys to look at the faithfulness of our God.

[00:26:45] As I look back on my journey of steps to trusting God, this is a big step for me taking my eyes off of trusting myself, to have enough faith and turning my eyes to actually look at the character of who God is to look at the character of his faithfulness, that he has always been a God who is faithful to his promises.

[00:27:10] And I’m looking ahead right now at something that needs to grow in my heart,

[00:27:17] then I need to believe by faith that my. Is enough. It’s not my righteousness. It’s not the acts that I take. It’s not the things that I do for God that make me be enough for him. It’s going back to that place of faith. It’s going back to saying God, when I am faithless, you are faithful. something in my understanding is changing.

[00:27:44] I’m seeing God teaching me that even my righteousness does not depend on me. My righteousness has God working in me. My righteousness is that Jesus took on my sin and gave me his righteousness. But he’s working in me with the fruit of the spirit and helping me to live out righteous acts.

[00:28:07] And that that’s not of my myself. In fact, when I start thinking that it’s of me, that I’m falling into sin because I’m not living by faith, I’m living by pride and by trusting by myself, like when we talk about Eve how Eve reached for the fruit, it’s me reaching for wanting to be a enough. Even reached for wanting to know good and evil.

[00:28:33] It’s me reaching for wishing my righteousness would be enough instead of trusting in God that his righteousness is enough and that he is faithful when I am not.

[00:28:46] So when these moments, as I’m talking with you, I’m feeling God’s presence. I’m feeling his peace of reminding me that my righteousness does not depend on myself. My actions spending enough time, doing enough good things, being smart enough, having enough knowledge.

[00:29:09] My righteousness depends on faith and my. Depends on the faithfulness of my God for he is the author and the perfecter of our faith.

[00:29:20] These moments feel like a big step of trust for.

[00:29:24] Like a place where I want to make as a turning point or as a milestone in my life where I can go back. Like I marked in college that

[00:29:34] my faith didn’t have to depend on me. And I want to look back on these moments in this time, in my life. And remember that my righteousness does not depend on. Now, this is a struggle for me because I’ve questioned. You’ve probably heard me question as you go through these podcasts, you’ve heard me question.

[00:29:57] What’s the tension between we are called to righteousness and we are given righteousness. It’s a gift and he does it all.

[00:30:06] And yet he says, if you love me, you will keep my commandments.

[00:30:10] So this will continue to be part of this journey of steps to trusting,

[00:30:15] to look at how do we take a step of trust saying. the righteousness I see in me is you working in me and the righteousness you require of me.

[00:30:27] It’s something that I am not enough to do, but you are.

[00:30:31] Friends. I invite you to look at your own life, to look at where you are in this process. Are you trying to be righteous enough? Are you trying to be smart enough? Are you trying to take all the right actions so that you will be seen as enough? And if you’re like me and you’re tempted in those places, To reach for the fruit of trying to be enough without God.

[00:30:54] Then I invite you to turn back to him and ask him to show you as I’m asking him to show me now.

[00:31:01] Let’s pray together, dear God, I thank you that you hear us when we call it. I thank you that you want us to know you and to understand you, you want us to live for you and you want to give us the gift of your righteousness, the gift of your forgiveness, Lord. It was so costly, but you are willing to give it to us when we are not enough, Lord God, you are enough.

[00:31:29] Please teach us. Please remind us that you put our feet on solid ground and that solid ground is you. As we walk Lord, we may slip. We may fall. We may go the wrong direction, but if our faith is on you, our rock, the one who is our righteousness, Lord God, we cannot be shaken or lost. Help us to seek you more. It’s in Jesus name. I pray. Amen.

[00:31:57]

[00:31:57] Friends. Thank you so much for joining me today. As I struggled through being reminded that again, I had taken my trust and put it in somewhere other than God, I struggle in trying to trust myself instead of trusting God. if you find yourselves there too, I’ve created a resource that comes when you subscribe to my newsletter.

[00:32:20] It’s a journaling resource that helps walk you through looking at scripture, looking at who God is looking at, what are the next steps that God would want you to take? Because of knowing who he is because of knowing that scripture. that’s my gift to you and a resource I know I have needed and often I need over and over to constantly turn back to look at who is this God that we serve. you’ll receive that in your inbox. when you subscribe to my newsletter. Don’t forget to check your junk mail. Cause I’ve noticed the first couple of times people get the email, it does go to junk mail.

[00:33:03] So mark it as something that you want to see.

[00:33:06] Friends. I hope you join us back here next time, where We’ll be continuing in the topic of looking at God, whether we are in mountain, top or valley experiences, we could try and shift our eyes to who God is. And that often it changes those experiences. I’ll be having that conversation with Alison Rockhold.

[00:33:29] I can’t wait to see you back here, but until then, I wanted to leave you with this reminder from Ephesians two 10 for we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Friends. I’m praying for you. As you keep on s